Boundaries in a relationship
I have been with my boyfriend for a few years now and one thing I am struggling with at the moment is knowing what’s acceptable behaviour and what isn’t, when it comes to other women. There have been multiple situations where he’s told me how attractive other women are, joked about cheating (although he hasn’t / says he would never), and commented that other girls are into him. There have also been some questionable situations RE other girls where alcohol has been involved. It’s hard to move on from as currently, he is happy for girls to flirt with him on nights out & says it’s just normal. He gets annoyed if I bring it up. I’m struggling with this and I’m also struggling to trust him, but worry I’m overreacting. Any insight would be hugely appreciated. I listened to a recent episode where you mentioned how as women in particular, we do often worry that we are asking for too much and that definitely resonated with me, as I constantly feel my requests could be controlling which I don’t want to be at all.
Codependent Parents
I love my parents and I have a great relationship with them, but as I’ve started to do the work, I’ve recognized some of the pieces of my upbringing and childhood have influenced me. My parents met first week of freshman year of college, got engaged sophomore year and married after college. My dad was adopted and his adopted parents divorced when he was 8 so very much raised himself and my mom was raised in a very traditional home but probably the ‘kids should be seen and not heard mentality,’ definitely some anxious attachment tendencies, and with an extended family that refuses to acknowledge any kind of ‘blemish’… so it’s fair to say there’s some generational trauma especially on my dad’s side. Now as an independent adult, it’s been a continual lesson of setting boundaries and them accepting me as an adult… we’ve had some good conversations because they like to insert their opinions where it doesn’t belong but now extended periods of time where I can’t “escape” is triggering. To add to it, neither them or either of my two older sisters ever lived as independent single adults, so here I am, 28, single, with my own house, dog and life in a city a few hours away and I think the concept that someone could be whole and fulfilled without a partner is a foreign concept.
Battle between chemistry and logic
I work with this guy who I think has potentially “love bombed” me but as a friend if that’s possible. He compliments me everyday and is very attuned to me. Checks in and does small things like carry my laptop or bag to our different sites, gets me coffees or lunch. Pays attention to the little things etc. He’s become a friend and we talk to each other about our personal lives and what was going on for us as well as work. There is definitely chemistry or sexual tension between us but I’ve held him at arms length because I know we are not compatible and I know he would break my heart. But it feels like I’m constantly battling myself and not able to hold a boundary and I allow him to “love bomb” me because it feels good to be cared for and he is VERY good at making you feel good about yourself. But he’s also had this pattern before where he pays me a lot of attention and then if he meets another girl he withdrawals that attention and changes his behaviour. I think that happened last week as he’s suddenly changed his behaviour towards me since Monday and it hurts. I’ve had a shit week and been down about things at work and he hasn’t even checked in to see how I am l, but a week ago was so attentive. So I’m like OK how are you my friend? We’re you just wanting sex? I keep getting dragged back into this pattern with him and I KNOW LOGICALLY that he’s not my man but how do I fight the physical!?! Please help!
Constantly hoping they will change
A guy in my life is consistently not showing up the way I deserve. I go out of my way to support and be there for them. In my gut I know I shouldn’t have anyone in my life who makes me feel like this but then I just can’t cut it off. I can’t accept that they aren’t the friend I thought. I try to understand that everyone is different and they express their friendship different, but I have voiced a lot of how I feel and nothing changes. I’ve taken space from him before but Always end up messaging him. The maximum I go is 2 weeks. I’m like angry, hurt, upset and then fine on repeat. They try to reassure me to feel better but their actions don’t change. I feel so stupid, like always reappearing saying hi! Me again! They always say I'm making them out like a bad person. I don't want to feel like I've failed with the friendship.
Moving on from toxic relationship
Hello! So I've listed to Silent Signs of A Toxic Relationship and damn, I wish I had known this sooner! I have done the work with my therapist as to why I was attracted to this person and what wounds of mine pulled me in, and allowed my to accept this treatment. So I feel okay with that. My question is...now what...how do I trust myself again, how do I build self-esteem again, how do I trust another person again?