Feel insane when they meet someone else!
Hi! Would love some insights about this. I've had chaotic and unstable relationships throughout my life. I've ended relationships when I've been cheated on or not had my needs met in some way but understand now I had a subconscious belief that they would fight for me, and become so angry when they don't! I feel sad about it ending but not distraught as I temporarily feel like I'm in control (and feel sure they'll want me back 🤦♀️)....when they inevitably (and ALWAYS really quickly) meet someone else, I feel pain and rage like no other. It's unbearable and absolutely consumes me. Even though I can rationally list multiple reasons we weren't right for each other, every part of me is desperate to maintain a connection. It gets worse with every failed relationship and I'm sick of it. Am in therapy with an amazing therapist but wanted to put it out there! Thank you so much xx
Repetitive compulsion
I realise that my core wound is emotional neglect (dismissive avoidant father) and throughout my healing journey I have become so aware of my inner child’s familiarity with this dynamic, I would love to get to a point where I am not so triggered by emotional neglect, but I also realise that it isn’t normal to align to it either, which for most of my life I have done thinking it was ‘normal’ I’d love for you to talk more about repetitive compulsion and how our brains seek out people who will allow us to recreate the past, in a hope of healing past pain. I have read many times that when we meet somebody our unconscious mind kind of has an ‘unconscious exchange’ and already knows that this person will be someone who can recreate painful dynamics, to try and conquer the past in the present. How does our unconscious mind know this when we have just met someone? Also the repetitive compulsion fascinates me, I think it’s brilliantly worded and it definitely feels like a ‘compulsion’ I know it involves lots of parts, our ego, our inner child, our shadow etc…..I am at the point of my healing journey where I will just remove myself from emotionally neglectful people if it’s people I really care about, because I know it could flip me into repetitive compulsion - I’d like to know what happens with the body biochemically when we are engaged in repetitive compulsion? What is the best way once you’ve been on a healing journey for a while to deal with the core wound of emotional neglect? I know I couldn’t have this dynamic in a romantic setting, I can handle it in a friendship setting ‘odd I know’. And because I have such a familiarity with emotional neglect and I’m in a very healthy emotionally safe relationship now, my work is to open up fully to available love which is a new beast of its own. Basically my question is around repetitive compulsion how it effects us biochemically and psychologically and how to move forward with it integrated into your healing journey, and reduce the triggers x
Alina
Hi Louise, i love your podcast and i have a question that i hope you might be able to answer 🩷 i do have a lot of beliefs like „i am not good enough, i will be abandoned, i am not worthy, it‘s all my fault“ and so on as well as anxious attachement and had difficulty leaving past relationships despite abuse. I feel like there must have been some serious trauma in my childhood, given how deep these fears and the pain sits. But i cannot think of a SINGLE memory of feeling abandoned as a child or like it‘s all my fault. I have not that much memories of my childhood in general, but the ones i have are almost exclusively positive. But this leads me to not understanding myself and feeling stuck in my healing Process because i have zero Connection to my hurt inner child, no matter how much i try. I don‘t even understand where most of the pain is coming from. How is that even possible ? Makes me feel crazy sometimes & i can‘t connect to the hurt parts. Do you know why that might be? 🩷